Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
