mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
