Who wears a wallet chain?!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
