Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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