she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
