she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
