Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
