i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
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I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
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the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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