We should be called the Road Head Warriors
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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