I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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