i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
