Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
