They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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