Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
