my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
why is half of my head shaved?
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