So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
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I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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