I feel like abortions should bother me more
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
