I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
