I'm fucking your sister right now.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE