Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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