Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here