we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
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She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
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Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.