Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
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He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
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You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Drunk is not a location!