This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You coming home soon, man?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.