he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
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Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
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What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?