I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that