THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since