My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
