He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My penis needs a shock collar
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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