He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
