I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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