it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
