omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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