I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
