dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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