i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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