Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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