Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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