good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
