We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
