so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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