This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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