so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
