Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
