I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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