he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
