I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
