I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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