when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
