apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
