I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
