I wish my penis had an off switch
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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