Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
