Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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