Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
