I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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