His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
