if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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