They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Houston, we have a squirter
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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