those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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