So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
