Having a random hookup so left but love u
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
