I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
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At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
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Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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