You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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