My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
