fuck your aforementioned shoe
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I want to be your penis for a week.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
my liver is dry heaving
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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