She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
