No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
