my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Hippo gnu deer
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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