She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
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