i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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