True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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