I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
