worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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