considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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