I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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