is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
did you just send me my own nude
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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