He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
