Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
