I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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