Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
