My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
