rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
