exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
