I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
