Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
