Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
