Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
