Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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