Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
