we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
