Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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