At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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