Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
