exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
